This is Maxine. She is a bitter old lady, who constantly complains about everything. I met two ladies today that were....Maxine-esque.
My mom and I went to Hair Today to get my eyebrows waxed (finally!). We sat down, and our eyes went to the lady at the reception desk. She had faint yellow hair, you know that typical old lady hairstyle. Bright blue eyeshadow, large fake eyelashes, and white, WHITE teeth.
My mom says, "If I start looking like that and I don't know it?"
Me: "I would probably tell you. 'Mom, you look ridiculous.'"
A few minutes later....
Me: "It wouldn't be ask bad if her teeth weren't so bright. She looks like the Cheshire Cat."
Bahahahaha. Imagine this guy ^^^^ with yellow grandma hair.
It was fantastic.
When I went back to get my eyebrows whacked off, the old ladies swarmed my mom. The first one, Betty, walked in. Cheshire says: "Do you have an appointment?"
Betty: "No! Do I look like I need one?"
Instant love of this lady. Just saying. I'm hearing bits and pieces of this conversation and am wondering what is going on.
Betty sits by mom and says, "How old do you think she is?"
Mom: "I...don't know."
Cheshire comes over and Betty, who has a bad case of word vomit (worse than me, TIFFANY), asks her how old she is.
"Well I am 73. How old are you?"
Glad that's cleared up... I can just imagine what my mom was thinking in this moment.
Betty decided to elaborate into what her bishop told her.
"You aren't a very good mormon," he said.
Betty: "Yeah well, you're gonna think that even more once you see the prescription the doctor gave me!" She pulls a sticky note out of her wallet. "Merlot." (mer-low)
Grandma Sharlene (Cheshire) says, "mer-lot!"
Betty: "What is merlot?"
Mom: "You'll like it, it's a nice red wine."
Then, Betty asked Cheshire, "are you LDS?"
Mom: "Do you think she is? Look at her toes!"
Cheshire had glitter toes on. Apparently she is a self proclaimed jack mormon.
I am finally done by this point and when I walk up to my mom Betty says, "Are YOU LDS?"
Mom: "Look at her, does she look LDS?"
I was wearing a white tanktop tucked into a black skirt, gray leggings, boots, my AXO pin, and my hair in a headband.
Me: "What are you talking about?"
Mom: "Oh just the culture in Utah."
Me: "And how much it sucks?"
THEN, Betty goes off about the whole mormon, gay, thing that's been hot in the news lately.
We tell her we have to go because... MY SISTER IS HAVING HER BABY TODAY (more on that later).
Betty gets up and tells me that, "back in my day, Negroes weren't allowed to join the tabernacle choir. Then when they did it gave them the idea for the white, black, white, black."
I have NO IDEA what she's talking about.
It takes us a minute to get out of there, and when we finally do we died a little bit. laughing so hard, just out of their sight.
We decided I needed to blog about it, because it was seriously the funniest salon experience. Ever.
Just thought I would entertain you all with a funny story of the day.